How to Become a Scientist of Your Own Emotions
According to Marc Brackett’s research, emotions are important clues to help us understand the world around us. We need them to make decisions, build good relations, fulfill our dreams, etc.
Brackett says we need more emotional expression, not less. He wants to teach emotion skills to children starting from a young age, so they can better identify emotions in themselves and others. RULER helps children develop these skills. RULER teaches children how to recognize emotions, understand where their emotions originate, label emotions more precisely and express emotions in different contexts. Children also learn how to regulate or control their emotions.
Brackett was bullied as a child. He grew up feeling alone and isolated. He had trouble making friends and felt depressed. He wrote about these experiences in his book. He also encouraged people to learn more about emotions and how to deal with them.
Emotional intelligence is very important because it predicts many things in life. People who have high emotional intelligence tend to be happier, healthier, more successful, and more satisfied with their lives. They also tend to have better relationships, and they tend to do well in school and in the workplace.
JS: In your book, I recommend that people become more aware of their own emotions and try to figure out why they act the way they do. MB: People need to learn to ask themselves better questions. For example, if someone says something rude to me, I might say, “Why did you say that?” Or, “What was going on inside of you when you said that?” This helps me understand my own feelings and also helps me understand others’ feelings.
Emotion scientists are people who want to be more accurate when labeling emotions. They ask themselves if someone is feeling disappointed or angry. They also ask if someone is talking about unmet expectations or unfairness. These questions help emotion scientists become more precise in labeling emotions.
JS: In your RULERS program, why is labeling feelings so important? MB: People use expressions like “If you can name it, then you can tame it” when talking about emotions. Knowing that you’re feeling enviously or jealous, and being aware of what underlies envy (want what another person has) versus jealousy (feel threatened about losing someone that you care about) is really critical for knowing how to regulate emotions effectively. The strategies that I would use to help a child feel envy versus jealousy would be quite different.
Permission to Feel: Unlock the power of emotions to help our kids, ourselves, and our society thrive. This book shows how we can use our emotions to help us cope with life’s challenges.
What I really needed was comfort. Someone to help me restructure negative thoughts. More practice. And maybe even some support on the way to school the next morning. Because the bullies threatened to beat him up. Instead, he was punished and told to stop being such a crybaby. So, until you truly know what it feels like, it’s going to take a lot of effort to understand how to help your child cope with bullying.
Emotions are regulated by different ways than repression. Yelling, screaming, suppressing, etc. are not the most helpful methods. Denial that people use drugs or alcohol is also not the most helpful method. Blaming, excessive drinking, and using drugs are not the most helpful ways to regulate emotions.
Positive self-talk helps you deal with negative emotions. Cognitive reappraisal means thinking differently about things. Social support helps you cope with problems. Helping others helps you feel better.
JS: How do you know your approach is culturally sensitive to kids from different socioeconomic backgrounds? MB: What’s important about the way we teach this skill to kids is that there is no right or wrong strategy. We’re never trying to tell a child that there is only one way to regulate their feelings, but we want to help them explore and discover the strategies they need to use based on their background, personality, and family context. There’s never any judgment around something being the “best” strategy. Instead, it’s helping the child find what’s best for him/her.
GGSC Summer Institute for Educators
A six-day workshop to change teachers’ understanding of themselves, their students, and how to help them apply these ideas to their lives. Teachers learn about culture and individual differences. They also learn how to support children who may not want to embrace certain strategies.
A Mood Meter is used by students to measure their moods. Students learn to recognize their emotions and understand how they affect others. Students also learn to control their emotions and regulate themselves.
Parents should treat their sons and daughters equally, regardless of gender. Boys shouldn’t be told that crying means they’re weak or girls should be told that expressing anger makes them mean. Transgender people should be treated fairly.
Parents need to be role models for their children. Kids watch their parents’ behavior, and learn by example. Parents should be honest and open with their kids about problems.
Bullying is a problem that affects many children. Children who are bullied often feel ashamed or embarrassed about themselves. This causes them to withdraw from others. Parents need to be aware of how they might be communicating to their children about their own vulnerability.
Emotions are powerful tools that humans use to manipulate each other. People often lie to us, and we need to be aware of this. We should also know how to identify lies when we hear them. Our emotions are powerful tools that we can use to manipulate others. We must learn to take a step away from an emotionally charged situation and evaluate it from a neutral point of view. This helps us make better decisions.
What impact do you think your book will have?
I wrote the book to share this information with others. I believe this information is very valuable for everyone. While RULER is scaling up this year, there are still tens of thousand schools and hundreds of millions people across the US, not to mention other country, that would not have any access to this information. So, my goal is to reach as many people as I can and help them learn how become emotion scientists. This way, they can be healthy and happy; better parents, partners and colleagues; and engaged citizen who can make the world better place.
Parenting is about teaching children how to be responsible adults. It is about helping them develop into well-adjusted people who make wise decisions. It is about providing guidance and support as they grow up. It is about being there for them when they need you most. It is about making sure they know what is right and wrong. And it is about setting an example for them to follow.
